i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
