just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
