guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
