At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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