Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
