it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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