My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
What a dumb baby whore.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
