I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
