Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize