dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize