I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
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The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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