I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
