I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
