i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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