I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
