Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
