Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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