I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
