i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
