i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
