Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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