"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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