How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
