you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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