I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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