Moan for me like Helen Keller
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
