Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
