i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
