I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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