I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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