Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
