I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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