You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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