it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
