she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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