We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
