I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
