You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You are the jesus of drinking
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm experimenting with sincerity
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
