I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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