I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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