did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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