My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
