Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
