What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
