We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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