She's JV to your varsity
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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