I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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