So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
