I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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