Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
