He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
