She just used a chaser for red wine.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
