I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize