I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I deserve this hangover.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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