The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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