Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
