I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Alive.
So much puke
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
