You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
