Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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