Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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