she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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