i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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