Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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