pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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