Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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