...so i touched it.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
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We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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