4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
