I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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