so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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